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What makes a healthy relationship {love} ?

Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. Now lets get back to business.
 
What makes a healthy love relationship? 
Here are 4 important steps to a healthy relationship

• Staying involved with one another. Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence { you tend to get comfortable with one another, but don't know how to keep things current },  While it may seem stable on the surface, lack of involvement and communication increases distance between each other. When you need to talk about something important, the connection and understanding may no longer be there, and may lead to future arguments and distance.

• Getting through conflict. Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation or insisting on being right. Try to calm your nerves before discussing things that are bothering you, and try not to raise your voice { although this may be difficult } .  Relationships aren't something that just comes to you, you need to try and you need to work on your problems and work through them. 

• Keeping outside relationships and interests alive. No one person can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from someone can put a lot of unhealthy pressure on a relationship. Having friends and outside interests not only strengthens your social network, but brings new insights and stimulation to the relationship, too. { So go out together, meet new people, find people with similar interests as you both as a couple,  hang out with your current friends, plan vacations, small getaways.. anything that will make you stronger together and with others }

• Communicating. Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears and desires, trust and bonds are strengthened. Critical to communication are nonverbal cues—body language such as eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm, and not crossing your own arms.

 
 
 
 

Breakups. Not So Simple

Breakups...  No one likes the sound of it. No one likes the meaning of it.  It simply.. sucks.  You could have gone through a bad breakup, or ended on good terms, but either way... getting over it is a challenge.  You may often ask yourself questions such as :  Why is it so hard to get over someone, even if they've been treating you poorly? or Why can't I move on? 

I don't have all the answers in the world, I just have honest answers from personal experience.  If you are or have been going through a tough breakup because of anger, or something that you may claim as "your fault," it may seem easy at 1st.  The reasoning for that is because you're in your anger phase.  But the next couple of  days seem to get more difficult and you realize you miss the other person.  For one, you were in the habit of being with someone, you were in your comfort zone.

Honestly, the only way to get through it is with time. I know that's not an answer people want to hear, because as humans we are all { impatient }. We want things done now.  ..Now whether the breakup was your fault or not, it happened.  It sucks. You can't take it back, and need to move on with your life and move forward. 

Some ways of getting your mind off it: pick up extra hours at your job (if he doesn't work with you) , keep yourself busy.  Listen to music, workout, spend more time with family.  Plan events.. go on a mini vacation.  Try painting or drawing.  Whatever you do, Do not sleep with anyone.  You are already in a rough patch and you don't need to be taken advantage of.  Don't complicate things more than they already are.. especially now. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, and stop blaming yourself.  

Do your nails, get your hair done, buy a new outfit. Make yourself feel confident again.  You want to look your best, don't let yourself go because of someone else.. You want to better yourself. Take the breakup as a positive thing, as a new and better chapter in your life.  You don't need them. The world is big enough to move on to bigger and better things.  Put a huge smile on your face when you go out, don't let others have to suffer because of your unhappiness.  Even if you have to fake it, do it. Afterall, a happy you is a better you.  It will make you glow and nothing negative can occur when you are happy and positive.   & it will make them wonder why you are so happy and they are so miserable. Trust me on this one..   They WILL miss you, whether they want to admit it or not.. They will hide the fact that they miss you, but they will.  Now. This does not mean they want you back.  You may never get them back. But that is a Good Thing. You are already on your way to a new chapter in your life.  A better beginning.  Don't think of it as an end, although it feels like the world is ending.  

Take your mind off it by trying new things.  If you do the same things you always do , you already feel comfortable doing them so it won't completely get your mind off it.  Try NEW things. Such as Painting, Drawing, Bowling, go for a walk, be daring try skydiving, go ice skating or roller blading, learn photoshop,  try dancing(ie: ballroom, salsa, zumba, line-dancing).  Look up at your local community center for lessons.  Try crafting. Scrapbooking, or card-making.  You can find a new love of crafting you didn't even know you were into.  Try cooking, or baking something new.

No one said a breakup is going to be easy, and I am not saying it is.  But I have been through it, and most people I know have been through tough situations.  and you know what?  We have all been able to get through it , and it does get better.  It may not feel as if it's getting better now, or that it will. But trust me, it does.  As long as you want it to get better, and get that negative energy out of your body.  

And most importantly, you need to learn to love and trust yourself before you love and trust others. <3

-L

If you have any questions, or advice, please feel free to anonymously email us @  a100daysforlove@gmail.com  , any time, any day. We will respond within 15 hours.

We are here to help you, to discuss and get through tough situations, or just give advice.  We understand that It's difficult to ask questions face to face, and we will never ask for your name or personal information.  It's a tough world out there, but know that you are not alone. <3

-all the information on this post is based on personal opinion. Here is an additional site I found to be helpful to cope with a breakup or divorce.

.live&love. made simple

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We will start by having a bio page with our photos.

We can't define what love is, but love can define who we are.

Definition of Love: Undefined and Limitless

              What is love and why do we need it? Isn't that a question we all ask our selves from time to time? I know I sure do. Love is not something easily understood or easily accomplished, which is why it's the most valuable aspect in life it’s self. One day we may understand what love may consist of but something we must all remember is, it's never the same. You can't compare one love to another’s love, everyone understands it differently, everybody values it on their own level, and every one has their own appreciation for it.

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   One thing I came to realize is you will love through out your life but when that one true love comes knocking at your door, it will hold the bar for the rest of your life! And if you're like me, and you lose that one true love for whatever reason that may be, do not go comparing everyone to that one true love, you will only end up hurting yourself. Instead find someone who can make you just as happy being who they are, and being exactly who you were born to be. Don't let anyone change you unless you they are willing to change for you.

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   Live, Love, Lose, and Let go. You never want to find someone just like your ex for two reasons: 1. you aren't together for a reason 2. Would you want to be reminded of what once was, every single time you look into their eyes? It would hurt; well at least it hurt me. I tried to find someone just like my one true love and every time I'd find similarities I would begin to resent the person, I'd cry myself to sleep knowing the one I had, Is the one I need and the one I have isn't the one I want. I'd end up hurting him and hurting myself because it was all a lie. The only way I'll be happy is by starting over and finding someone who is their own person. 
(Not saying there can't be similarities, just don't go out of your way to match your ex's characteristics)

  

  

With that being said don't try and be like the other person's ex. We've all been there done that, heard that he/she did this or he/she did that and we get this idea that we need to be like that person or better yet top that. Don't ever try and be someone you're not because you'll never be able to live with a stranger the rest of your life. My grandpa always told me to never blend in, never compare yourself to the rest of the world, and only compare yourself to who you want to be.

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Everyone has their own idea of what love is or what love can be.

 My idea of love is finding someone who you respect and who respects you;

 Someone who makes you want to be a better person and visa versa;

Someone who can provide you with a series of happy moments to offset those that aren't. 

 Love is unique, find what makes you tick and you'll find what makes you tock.

~S.Rae~

If you have any questions, or advice, please feel free to anonymously email us @  a100daysforlove@gmail.com.